Nightshade: A SimLit | Chapter 80: Changes

The airport was noisy, but it couldn't deafen the roaring thoughts in Alexander's mind. It hadn't even been twenty-four hours since Brynn's death, but he'd already been forced to put on a brave face and pull himself together in order to pick up Amelia and Onyx from the airport. The desperate, emotional phone call he made to his sister last night explaining what happened was already a hazy memory. Nothing felt real. Not anymore.

With his gaze fixed on the floor, he was growing increasingly impatient for their flight to arrive, and every second that he had to spend so unbearably alone was only increasing his misery. It felt like hours before he glanced up and saw their familiar faces. A wave of relief washed over him as he stood up, arms open wide to receive Amelia in a hug as she raced toward him, leaving Onyx behind to deal with their suitcase. 

"Alexander!"

He held onto her as though his life depended on it when she threw herself into his arms. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes, but he tried his best to hold them back, tightening his grip around her when she began to tear up too.

"I'm so sorry... I should have been here, I..." Amelia's voice quivered. "I-I can't believe this happened..."

"It's okay," Alexander whispered. "You got here as fast as you could. It isn't your fault this happened while you were on vacation... I-I'm sorry it ended early because of--"

"Don't apologize. Please," Amelia cut him off and pulled him closer to her, rubbing his back when she heard his nearly silent sobs. "I'm sorry, Alexander... I know how much you must be hurting right now. But I'm here for you... you'll get through this, even if it seems like you can't bear it..."

"...I-I know. I'm okay. I'll be okay," he lied, and forced himself to let go of her, wiping away the last of his tears. "Don't worry about me."

She frowned. "Of course I'm going to worry about you..."

Onyx finally approached, dragging the clearly heavy suitcase behind him. "...Hey," he said gently, "I'm so sorry about Brynn... she was family to us, too, you know... I really liked her."

Alexander turned to face him, his shoulders slumping slightly at the mention of her name. "I know. She saw you as family too... beyond just in-laws, I mean. You were like real siblings to her."

Onyx sighed heavily and glanced down at the floor. "We're all going to miss her. Have you made any... arrangements for her yet? Her funeral, or...?"

"Yeah. I was up really late working on that. Almost everything's done. Her service is in a few days." Alexander looked away. "I still can't believe she's really..."

"I know. Hey, uh, I'm going to take this out to the car. You should really go back home and rest." Onyx grabbed the handle of the suitcase again and made his way toward the exit, leaving Alexander and Amelia in silence once again. He honestly was afraid to fall apart when he knew the people around him needed support, and if he kept talking about Brynn, he knew he was going to.

Amelia approached him and placed a comforting hand on his arm. "Onyx is right, you need rest. Come on, let's go..."

Alexander silently met her gaze. His eyes were somewhere between full of every possible emotion and completely empty. Without responding, he turned to follow her as she went after Onyx, feeling as though he carried the entire weight of the world with every step.

---

It was the day of Brynn's funeral.

Alexander had no idea how he'd made it through the service without completely losing his mind. When he got home, he wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and cry himself to sleep, but instead he found himself dialing Amelia's number and pouring out all his emotions onto her. Being vulnerable to other people wasn't something he was used to doing, but she helped him shoulder his burdens, and as bad as he felt for doing it he couldn't stop once he started. They talked for a long time, discussing all of their good memories with Brynn, focusing on the good things rather than the more recent sad ones... but it wasn't long before he couldn't push the sadness aside.

"Amelia... I just... I don't know if I can accept that she's gone."

There was a short pause on the other end of the line. "She isn't gone, Alexander. Maybe she isn't here, but do you really think... when you die, that's it? Even after our experience in Selvadorada with Sofia...?"

"I don't know anymore." Alexander sighed heavily, staring at the floor as he spoke. "I mean, before seeing Sofia, I honestly thought the entire concept of life after death or ghosts or whatever was a bunch of bull. I still haven't come to terms with the fact it may not be. I guess maybe there has to be something, but there's no logical explanation, and--"

"And you don't believe anything that doesn't have a logical explanation?" Amelia sounded accusatory. "You saw it for yourself. There has to be something more after you're gone, or else there wouldn't be any spiritual manifestations, right? I mean, most people wouldn't believe in vampires, or witches, or aliens, if they hadn't found out from the government or for themselves that they're real, right? And even if you don't believe it... it doesn't mean it isn't true. Brynn's out there watching over you, just like Sofia was for me. I know it."

Tears fell from his eyes. "...then why can't she let me see her, just one more time, to say goodbye? To let me know that she is still with me? If there's life after death, if she's among all the other spirits, and if they can manifest to visit us like Sofia did... why isn't it happening?"

"...I don't know..."

Her answer was far from good enough. His sobs were silent, yet she could sense them. "I-I think I just need some rest, o-okay? I'll talk to you soon." Alexander's thumb hovered over his screen, preparing to hang up.

"Wait! I wanted to talk to you about one more thing."

"...Yeah?"

"Onyx and I have been talking pretty much constantly since we got home from Sulani, and... considering what happened, and how hard you've taken it, we thought maybe... you shouldn't live alone," Amelia began. "...so, um, we're selling the house."

"Wait, what...?" Alexander frowned. "That was our grandparents' house. You shouldn't--"

"No, it's okay. It's too big for anything we need, and honestly, all the bad memories that have happened here don't exactly make me attached to this place." Amelia sighed. "Your house is a two bedroom. That's perfect for all of us. And you won't have to handle this alone so much if we move to Willow Creek... think about how much time we can spend together now. I want to do this."

"I don't even know what to say, Amelia..." His tears only came faster. "That means a lot to me. Thank you. How long do you think it will be until you can move in...?"

Amelia paused. "I don't really know. We have a lot to pack and we may wait for a potential buyer before we move out... we're still talking about it. But I'd like to be moved in by a month or two, at the most, from now."

A month or two. That seemed like years to him, but he smiled anyway. "You're the best sister in the world, you know that? You don't have to drop your entire life just for me... but you're willing to."

"I'm not dropping my life. You're way more important to me than a house or anything else we may have to sacrifice to come live there. Now... I'll let you get some rest, okay?"

"Okay... I love you."

"I love you too, Alexander."

He hung up and placed the phone on his nightstand before turning over onto his side. As depressing as the day had been, he felt the slightest hint of happiness knowing that soon, he wouldn't be alone.

But for how long would that happiness last?

---

Time isn't real. It isn't tangible, it isn't physical, it's simply a concept created for people to keep track of their lives. This was something Alexander hadn't been able to stop deliberating lately. Why bother counting the days that passed by? Did anything truly matter anymore? Why not just spend the rest of his pathetic life staring at the ceiling and growing into his newfound numbness?

It had been a week since the funeral. At first, he'd been an emotional wreck, fixated first on her death and then on her cremation, unable to come to terms with the thought of her body fading away. But quickly, he resorted to the only way he knew how to cope: convincing himself he felt nothing. It was a comforting, believable lie; if he felt nothing, then the pain would go away. Yet as empty as he felt, there was something inexplicable that still left him just as miserable as he was before.

Numbness was the deepest kind of pain.

Alexander hardly even noticed his doorbell ringing, and he certainly had no interest in getting up to answer it. It was far too early in the morning for anyone important to be visiting, he figured, and so he made no effort to budge.

And then it rang again.

With a groan, he forced himself to head for the front door and mentally cursed whoever had decided to bother him -- with his luck, some salesman that was about to get chewed out... or chewed on.

When he reached the door, he wasn't sure how to react to the sight of Amelia throw the window panes. "...What are you doing here?"

"What took you so long to come to the door?" Amelia retorted. "I don't have all day to wait here for you to mope around. That's what you were doing, wasn't it?"

"So what if I was?" Alexander sighed. 

She grinned. "You're not doing that today. You won't have time to."

He opened the door with a look of suspicion and she stepped inside. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that Onyx is currently unloading some boxes from the car." Amelia's lips curled into a slightly mischievous, lopsided smile. "You know, so we can move in."

"Wait, what? Already?" Alexander lit up, depression lifting for at least a moment. "But you said it would be a month or two! It's only been a week!"

"Well, I lied," she said. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

"How did you even pack that fast? There's no way the house has a buyer already." He shook his head. "You're putting the cart way before the horse..."

"We had help packing. And you're right, we aren't anywhere near selling it, but that doesn't stop us from moving in. It'll get sold eventually either way," Amelia shrugged. "I just wanted to be here with you as quickly as possible."

"I really don't know what to say... we're gonna give Onyx such a hard time together." He grinned, seemingly forgetting about all his problems. "He'll regret agreeing to this."

"Oh, I'm sure of it!" Amelia laughed. "And he's really gonna regret agreeing if we don't help him with those boxes, so... last one to the car is a rotten egg?"

"Don't challenge me. You're guaranteed to lose."

"Oh yeah? We'll see about that."

---

Onyx was restless, which was probably normal when adjusting to a new home. He'd been awake for most of the night, staring at the wall and thinking about all the change that had happened in their lives so quickly. Maybe he wasn't ready for everything so change so rapidly, or maybe he was a little afraid of change itself somewhere deep down. 

But when Amelia snuggled closer to him in her sleep, he glanced down at her and managed the slightest smile. Even when everything around them seemed different, she was his much needed reminder that some things never change. 

For as long as they'd been together, nothing ever changed between them, and he knew that everything would be okay as long as it was just the two of them -- plus, he supposed, Alexander to drive them crazy once in a while.

---

Amelia leaned against the bathroom door, sighing heavily as it shut behind her with a quiet thump. It was far earlier in the morning than she'd usually be awake, but the nearby drugstore was always open, and this had been her best opportunity to get dressed and sneak out unnoticed. 

It had only been a couple of weeks since she and Onyx moved in with Alexander. Things were highly stressful for her between unpacking, dealing with potential buyers for the house, and helping her brother deal with the aftermath of Brynn's death -- so, naturally, she'd barely had the opportunity to notice that anything was... off. It wasn't until she spent the past few mornings waking up nauseated and slinking off into the bathroom to puke that she realized something was wrong, and more importantly, that she was late. So here she was, clutching a pregnancy test behind her back, trying to convince herself that this was a ridiculous idea and any potential signs leading her to believe it were just a result of being stressed.

...or were they?

After taking the test, Amelia perched herself anxiously on the edge of the closed toilet seat and waited for the results. 'It's going to be negative,' she mentally insisted. 'There's no way I'm pregnant.'

Except she knew good and well that there was a way. The date would line up perfectly to any one of the several passionate nights she spent in Sulani, and upon realizing it, she clutched the test tighter in her hand. Would it be a good thing or a bad thing if she was pregnant? Normally, she would have been delighted at the thought of it, but the timing couldn't possibly be worse. Her life had descended into complete chaos and the most important people in it, namely Onyx and Alexander, had far too much on their plate as it was without a baby around. 

Her racing thoughts momentarily came to a stop as she finally saw a word printed across the tiny screen:

Pregnant.

Her mouth fell agape as she fixated on the word in disbelief. Pregnant. She was pregnant. She was going to have a baby and be a mother and --

Onyx. How would she tell him this? As soon as things seemed to be settling down a bit, as soon as he got a break from having so many things to worry about, she'd have to spring this on him. Her heart sank at the thought that he may not be happy. What if he was angry? What if he didn't want to be a father right now? Maybe it seemed out of character that he'd have a problem with it, but in her currently paranoid mind, anything that was a bad outcome was possible. To be truthful, she couldn't even tell if she was happy. But the image of being a parent was already seeping into her mind and heart more than she wanted it to, and so she convinced herself he would react well to the news. It was enough to give her the confidence to stand up and head out of the bathroom, smuggling the pregnancy test along with her.

The entire house was quiet, but she could see that the light was on from underneath the bedroom door. Gingerly, she pushed it open to find Onyx clearly questioning where she'd went. "Onyx?"

He turned to face her as she approached, looking a mixture of worried and relieved. "There you are," he sighed. "You not being here worried me for some reason. I guess I'm still anxious from moving and... everything else that's happened..."

"Don't worry, I'm fine, I just... had something to do," Amelia bit her lower lip and averted her gaze from him. "Can we... can we talk?"

He nodded. "Of course. Is something wrong? You seem upset."

"...I don't know. I mean, no, nothing's wrong, but..." She took a deep breath. "I know that right now really isn't the best time for this, but... it happened anyway and I really hope you don't see it as inconvenient, or a burden, or..."

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "...I'm not sure what you're talking about, but... whatever's going on, I'm sure we can work through it together."

Amelia's lips curled into a slight smile. "You're right. We can. Honestly, I think it's something we both kind of wanted when the time was right... and even if it doesn't seem like the right time, I'm excited. And I'm happy, I really am," she said decidedly. "I just hope you are too..."

"...Wait--"

"Close your eyes," she interrupted.

Onyx felt anxiety rising in the pit of his stomach. "Are you implying what I think you're implying?"

"Just close them!"

He hesitantly obeyed and shut his eyes tightly, focusing only on his heart pounding in his chest. "Now what?"

"Stay still." She came closer and placed the pregnancy test in his hand, not letting go of the end of it. "...Okay, you can look now."

When he opened his eyes, he thought his heart might have skipped a beat. "Amelia..." Gingerly, he wrapped an arm around her. "I..."

"Um... surprise?" Amelia smiled sheepishly.

He was in complete awe. "...We're going to be parents... I can't believe it."

"S-So... does that mean you're happy?"

Onyx finally lit up in a bright smile. "Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be? This is honestly all I've ever wanted for us..."

She felt a wave of relief wash over her and placed a hand over her stomach. "...It's all I've ever wanted, too. I can't believe I was even worried in the first place!" She burst into joyful laughter. "I was being ridiculous... even despite the seemingly inconvenient timing, there's nothing that could make this bad for me. I'm going to have a baby with my favorite person in the entire world..."

Before he could reply, she threw herself at him and enveloped him in a tight hug. "I'm so happy...!"

"Me too..." He returned her embrace just as tightly. "I don't think I've ever been happier."

Quickly, she released him and met his gaze with watery eyes. "I have to tell Alexander! He's gonna be so happy! ...or is he? What if he doesn't want a baby in the house? It's gonna scream all night and keep him awake and-- wait. We just sold our house. This one only has two bedrooms. There isn't even enough room for a baby!"

Onyx could only laugh in response, equally as teary eyed as she was. "You're right, we have absolutely nowhere for a baby! We're gonna have to buy another house now and I don't even care!"

"Neither do I!" Amelia laughed. "How stupid are we?"

"The stupidest!" Onyx grinned. "Now, go tell Alexander he's going to be an uncle. I'd go with you, but that should probably be a brother-sister talk, right?"

"Yeah, I think I want to tell him myself," she nodded. "I'll make sure to tell you all about the look on his face, though."

"Of course. Good luck. If he says the baby will disturb his peace or something, you should say it's revenge for disturbing ours."

"Hey, that's mean." She grinned. "...but I'll tell him that."

---

"World's best boss, huh? Which of your employees got you a shirt like that?"

Alexander didn't even look up at Amelia as she sat beside him. "None of them. I got it for myself."

"Of course you did." She smiled playfully, but quickly realized he wasn't in the best of moods. Honestly, he wasn't ever in a good mood anymore. "...well, that shirt's wrong." 

"Wow, thanks. What a way to make my day," he groaned in response. "Did you just come in here to insult me?"

She scowled. "You didn't even let me finish! I was going to say that it should say something else."

"Yeah, like what?" He side-glanced at her. "World's biggest nerd?"

"Nice guess, but no." Her smile widened. "I was thinking... world's best uncle."

"...what are you talking about?" Alexander finally turned to look at her, confusion etched on his face. "I'm not an uncle. Unless you're about to call me a monkey's uncle or something, in which case I'm gonna say I'm really not in a joking mood--"

"What I'm talking about is that I'm pregnant."

His eyes widened. "...what?"

"You're going to be an uncle. I'm pregnant," Amelia repeated. "I, um... I thought it would make you happy to know that. I just found out a little while ago."

"You... I... I'm gonna be an uncle!?" It was the first time she'd seen him genuinely happy in weeks. "No way! Amelia, this is... I'm so happy for you. I just know I'm gonna be his favorite uncle! Or her. His or her. Whichever they are!"

"...Alexander, you're their only uncle."

He reached out and pulled her into a hug as he burst into tears. "I know! All the more reason they're gonna love me! And I'm determined to be the best uncle ever. There's never gonna be a better uncle than me. I'm gonna teach them so many important uncle lessons..."

"Your important uncle lessons better be age appropriate," she joked, but felt herself tearing up too. Seeing him this happy gave her hope that perhaps he'd recover from his recent depressed state.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. Anyway, your kid's gonna grow up to be just like me!"

It was then that her smile faded. '...God, I sure hope not,' she thought. 'One of you is enough for me.'