Nightshade: A SimLit | Chapter 81: Meant To Be Broken

The Blue Velvet was the most popular nightclub in Willow Creek. It was always full of people dressed in their finest clothes, entranced by the sound of classical music as they drank their worries away. No one came here for the entertainment -- only the bar. The alcohol was unreasonably expensive, but it was also the best money could buy. Perhaps that's why Alexander found himself here nearly every weekend now, tasting every concoction the bartender had to offer, refilling his glass until his mind buzzed with numbness.

His head felt like it was splitting and the room was nearly spinning in circles, yet it still wasn't enough. He wouldn't stop until he wasn't aware of anything or anyone anymore, until the world around him was distorted so much it was unrecognizable. Intoxication was his only worthy escape he'd found from reality, and as bad as it was, most nights he didn't care if he drank himself to death or not.

"G-Give me... another refill..." Alexander slurred, glancing in the direction of the bartender.

She raised an eyebrow. "Sir, your glass is full."

"Not full enough," he murmured. His vision was beginning to blur, and the lightheadedness suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks. Deep down he knew he'd overdone it again, but he still hesitantly reached out for his glass to down another sip.

By the time he set it down on the counter again, he couldn't even hold his head up anymore, and collapsed onto his folded arms. It didn't make sense what was so addictive about this: it was like a band-aid on a bullet hole. In the morning, his numbness would fade away only to leave him back in the same old misery he'd tried to escape from and a hangover to top it off. Yet he knew he'd come back again.

The last shred of sensibility left in his mind compelled him to reach for his phone and call a cab. He hadn't driven himself here, and he certainly wouldn't be driving himself home. The ride was always shameful as he struggled to stay conscious and battle his growing feeling of nausea. No one ever questioned him, or perhaps he was always too drunk to even pay attention to if they were speaking. Regardless, he'd remain silent until they pulled up by his house and dropped him off, likely glad to be rid of him.

It was as though Alexander lived the same pathetic night over and over again, drunkenly stumbling down the sidewalk and fumbling in the dark for the handle of his front door.

But tonight had one difference from the others.

"Alexander...!"

He nearly fell forward as the door swung open unexpectedly, leaving him to lean against the frame for support. "Wh... what are you doin' awake?"

"What are you doing out so late again?" Amelia crossed her arms. "Don't think that I haven't noticed you slipping out and stumbling home, completely wasted, in the early hours of the morning..."

"I'm not completely wasted!" Alexander scowled. "I'm... I'm fine, I just--"

He was cut off as he finally lost his balance and stumbled, but Amelia quickly grabbed onto his shoulders to support him and eased him toward the ground. "Sure you're not..."

"Okay, s-so what if I am, huh?" Both of them dropped to their knees. "I'mma big boyyyy... I can take care of m'self, alright?"

"You're doing a great job of that now." Amelia's eyebrows furrowed. "Listen, you've got to stop this."

"What are you, my mom? J-Just... stop tryna tell me how to live my life... it's mine..."

"Alexander..." Her voice softened. "I love you, and I don't want to see you like this... I'm trying so hard to be supportive, but you just... shut me out and insist you're fine when it's so obvious that you aren't."

Finally, he looked up at her and held her gaze. "I-I love you too... I just..."

Without warning, he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder. "I just don't wanna burden you... you've already got enough to handle, and.."

Amelia placed a comforting hand on his back. "You could never be a burden to me... I promise. Now, let's get off the floor and to the couch, at least..." She hesitantly stood, hoisting him up with her. He was practically dead weight at this point, and she struggled to support him. "...Maybe..."

Both of them stumbled toward the couch, but he whined in protest. "I can walk there m'self..."

"I'm surprised you're even still conscious. You're not walking anywhere," she grumbled.

"You're gonna hurt yourself! You're prangut, you can't be so strained..."

"You mean pregnant."

"Y-Yeah, whatever..."

"Well," she sighed, finally letting him fall onto the couch, "I wouldn't be so strained if you weren't being so reckless."

"I'm not bein' reckless! You're... you're acting like my drinking is a big deal," he growled, bringing a hand to his temple. "Ugh, my head..."

Gingerly, she sat down on the edge of the couch. "It is a big deal. I'm just worried about you..."

"And I thought I made it clear I don't want you worrying!"

She scowled. "That's not going to happen! You're my brother, and your wellbeing is really important to me!"

"Why are you yellin'!? It isn't... isn't gonna fix anything!" Alexander snapped, slurring his words more than he already had been. "If you cared, you'd understan' that this is the only thing... th-that takes away the pain..."

"Which is why I'm telling you that you need help!" Amelia's voice only raised more, but it quickly faded to just above a whisper. "I know how much pain you're in. But this isn't going to take it away. In the end, it's only going to make it worse..."

Finally, he broke and buried his face in his hands, muffling the sound somewhere between a scream and a sob that escaped his lips. "I don't want help, I just wanna die already!"

Amelia fell completely silent, feeling the tears beginning to form in her eyes. "...I can't lose you. I can't let you destroy yourself... I-I need you. Maybe you want to die, but think about the people who love you. Think about me... Alexander, what would I even do without you?" Her voice quivered as she failed to disguise the fact she was crying. "It hurts me so much to watch this. T-To watch you lose every part of yourself that I loved..."

Slowly, he lowered his hands, and despite his frustration his heart sank when he realized she was crying. With slight hesitance, he propped himself out and reached out to her, gingerly taking her hand in his own. "A-Amelia..."

"...The last thing I've ever wanted to do is hurt you..."

She looked up at him as he reached to wipe a tear from her eye. "...Then don't. When you hurt yourself, you're hurting me. I'm scared that you're going to fall so far you won't be able to get back up..."

"N-No," he said softly. "I won't. I-I'll stop, I swear... I'll never pick up another bottle of booze..."

"...I know that's a lie..."

"It isn't," Alexander insisted. "I... I mean it. I really do."

"...do you promise?" She sniffled, trying to blink back the tears.

He was never one to make promises, and he never kept them when he did, but seeing her so upset was more than he could handle. His sister was more important to him than anyone else in the world, especially now that Brynn was gone. Could he really be honest about how far gone he knew he was? That he knew he wouldn't stop? 

"...I promise," he lied.

Some promises are just meant to be broken, and so was he.