Nightshade: A SimLit | Chapter 83: Highs & Lows

Alexander's nights had felt long and lonely ever since Brynn's death. He rarely slept for more than a few hours, instead tossing and turning until exhaustion overtook him and forced him into slumber. Tonight, though, he drifted into peaceful sleep easily for once -- and it was much needed. He'd been slowly turning into a master of secrecy, hiding how broken he'd truly become since that day. He was still a regular at the bar, downing drinks and slinking home only when he was certain he wouldn't be caught. It was so exhausting to live when you were weary of the very concept of life itself. This had to be rock bottom, he thought. He convinced himself he couldn't get lower than this.

But he was sadly mistaken.

He awoke to a familiar sound: one that shouldn't have been there. Quickly, he sat up and glanced out the window, spotting an all too recognizable UFO floating over his house. As the loud humming of it's engine died down, he made his way to the front door, already knowing who he'd see waiting -- and before she could knock, he arrived, throwing the door open in disbelief. 

"Aurora," Alexander whisper-yelled, "what are you doing here!? Someone's going to see you!" 

Desperation was written all over her face. "Do I look like I care!? Alexander, I've been worried sick about you! You haven't showed up to the usual spot we meet in months!"

His voice softened. "I know, I'm sorry, I-- listen, it's a long story, so just... come inside and we can talk, okay? I don't want us to get caught."

"Um, if we go inside, won't your wife catch us? Not that it's even a big deal if she wouldn't mind aliens, but..." 

He fell silent and averted his gaze to the floor. "...She... no, she won't catch us. But someone else might if we stay in plain sight."

"...Okay..." Aurora raised an eyebrow in confusion, but reluctantly stepped inside the house.

"Follow me." Alexander grabbed onto her hand and quietly led her toward his bedroom, cringing when the door creaked as it opened. "In here... stay quiet or else my sister and her husband might hear us."

Aurora allowed him to lead her inside and kept her voice a low whisper. "Your sister? She's here?" 

"She lives here now. Which... brings me to why my wife won't catch us and why I haven't shown up to meet with you..." Shakily, he turned to the bed and sat down, forcing himself not to get choked up just talking about it. "...My wife... died a few months ago of a heart problem. A-And things have been so crazy since then, I honestly didn't feel like--"

"You don't have to explain," Aurora interrupted as she sat beside him. "I understand. I'm so sorry for your loss... I know it must have really hurt you. I just hope you're doing okay..."

"I..." Alexander was hesitant. "I'm not. I'm honestly not okay. If I'm not drinking to forget my pain, I'm miserable because it's all I can feel. I haven't handled this well, and honestly, I'm tired of living... if that's what you want to call whatever I'm doing. It doesn't feel like living anymore when nothing in my life is the same. I'd give anything to have the life I had back."

"...But you can't. She's gone. It's gone." Aurora sighed and looked over at him. "I know it hurts, but life goes on. Things are always changing. And when it feels like your life is gone... you build a new one."

Her words seemed to reach somewhere deep down inside of him. "But how? How do I find happiness again when I've already had it and it's been ripped from my hands? Honestly, above everything else, I... I'm so lonely, Aurora... I can have all the family and friends in the world that care about and support me, but it doesn't fill the void that her love left. And it feels empty. My heart is just... empty."

"Then... you look for a way to fill that void. Maybe it won't ever feel the same, but slowly, you can piece your heart back together." She met his gaze. "You can find happiness, Alexander. It might be closer than you think."

You look for a way to fill that void.

You can find happiness.

It might be closer than you think.

It echoed over and over in his mind. Suddenly, everything seemed to be falling into place. The puzzle was being completed. In his state of desolation, his heart knew that it could cease to ache, if only he was brave enough to take the leap. 

"Aurora..." His hand grasped her shoulder and his eyes searched deep into hers. "...Thank you. You're always here for me when I need you the most..."

She smiled, but it seemed half-hearted. "That's... what friends are for, right?" 

"...right..." He couldn't focus on anything she said. Maybe he'd finally gone completely crazy, but there was something about the way that she looked in the moonlight that set something deep inside of his heart aflame. She suddenly seemed, to him, like a cure: or at least a band-aid to cover vulnerable wounds. He was brave enough to take the leap.

It was with slight hesitation that Aurora reached out to touch his shoulder, causing him to shudder and the tension in the room to intensify. "Alexander, is... is something wrong?"

"N-No, I... I was just thinking," he stammered. 

"About what?" She felt her cheeks heating up as his hand slid to the back of her neck, drawing her closer to him.

"...You're right. Happiness is closer than I think," he whispered, leaning in as he spoke. "...It's right in front of me."

Their lips met like lightning striking the ground, sending jolts of invigorating electricity through their veins. She was tense at first, not expecting the kiss, and maybe in any other situation she'd have hauled off and slapped him for unwanted advances.

Luckily for him, she'd wanted this for a long time.

Both of her hands found purchase on his shoulders as she leaned into the kiss. Her expertise was bottling in everything she felt, and her feelings for him had been no exception. She couldn't even remember when they started, only that one day she wished they could be more than friends, and it dragged her deeper and deeper into a desire for something completely unattainable: a married man. Even now, it felt so dirty, so wrong to do this. He wasn't in his right mind. He was mourning, he was lonely, he was desperate -- but she was desperate, too, and she couldn't stop herself. Not now.

Without allowing their lips to part, Alexander pushed her down onto the mattress, causing her to make a muffled noise of surprise when she was pinned onto the soft cotton underneath them. Her eyes opened as he finally pulled away, breathing heavily against her ear. 

"...sorry," he whispered.

"F-For what?" Aurora's voice was unsteady, and she was sure that he could sense her erratically pounding heart. "You don't need to be sorry, I... I don't want you to stop."

He seemed surprised. "You don't? Why?" It occurred to him that it was probably odd to ask, but he couldn't repress the curiosity. If anything, he'd expected her to push him away the moment he kissed her and tell him that they shouldn't be doing this. Heck, he knew they shouldn't, but if it was this easy then how could he stop?

Her response spilled from her mouth uncontrollably. "Because I love you."

The atmosphere seemed tense after her confession, though she couldn't tell if it was a good or bad kind. Regardless, she instantly regretted saying it. How could she say something like that after he confided in her about his dead wife only a few minutes ago? It was wrong, and she knew it. She shouldn't love him. She shouldn't want a man that loved someone else. But love, she reasoned with herself, didn't work that way: it slithered its way into her heart at the worst times. After living a childhood deprived of it, she was constantly desperate for anyone that made her feel loved and appreciated -- like she truly was worth something. Unfortunately, it was easy for her to find those feelings even in the most careless men that wanted her for only one reason. By the time she realized that her only value to them was sex, she was in too deep, and it just left her feeling emptier than before. But Alexander was different. She told herself that about every man, but she knew she really was right this time. Their years of friendship had made her feel more loved than she ever had, and it was undoubtedly the reason she fell for him. Yet she could only see it as cruel that the person that felt right was the one that couldn't really be, and she'd searched even more than before for someone to fill up her vast emptiness. She failed every time, knowing the only one that could make her feel complete was him. But could she do the same? Could she fill the void that Brynn left, or was she just a lousy, used up excuse of a replacement? She didn't know the answer, and his silence was killing her.

"...oh," Alexander finally murmured. He averted his gaze momentarily, only now seeming to process what she said. It sent the first pangs of guilt through his chest. He didn't love her. At best, this was no different than any other science he did. An experiment to see if she truly was his new happiness -- or if she'd leave the hole in his heart even larger than it already was. But that wasn't to say that it wouldn't become love. Right now, he was feeling something, and if he was right about her providing the healing that he'd been searching for... maybe love was the right word for it.

Nervously, Aurora bit her lip and looked away. "...I shouldn't have said that."

"Aurora, no... I..." He paused. What was he supposed to say? Lying about that felt more wrong than he could stand, so he settled on saying nothing at all, and his lips locked with hers once again.

She took the kiss as a silent reciprocation of her feelings and brought a hand to his cheek, desperate to feel the warmth of his skin against hers. Their positions shifted and he pressed their bodies close together, running a hand along the metallic material near the bottom of her dress. She offered no objections as he fumbled around in an attempt to figure out how to remove it, instead guiding his hands to the clasps and zippers that held the complicated Sixam fashion in place. Even as more of her skin was exposed to the cool air in the room, she could only feel unbearably hotter.

"...This is what you're wearing underneath that?" Alexander grinned suggestively as he pulled back, his eyes slowly scanning over her body as if they were attempting to memorize every detail. "I guess you're not as innocent as you look."

"What, is there a problem with liking lace?" She cocked an eyebrow and failed to stop her lips from curling into a smirk. "...you're right, though. I'm not."

"That's fine with me," he said, returning the smirk. "I've never really been a fan of the good girl type anyway..."

"Then tell me... do you want me?" She shivered as their eyes met and he slowly ran his fingertips along her side. Whatever resolve she had to stop this before it went too far had long faded away. She'd taken the bait, she'd fallen deep into what she was sure must be the same old trap she always wound up in. But she didn't care. 

His voice softened. "No, I need you."

"...then take me."

There was no love or passion in anything that he did, but he was filled with an insatiable lust, addicted to the sensations before they even truly had a chance to begin. He chased desperately after any amount of satisfaction that she could give him, yet still there were no sparks, no surges of emotion to soothe his aching. Deep down she knew that she was a fool to love him -- that tonight was just the same as nights with any other man that saw her only as an object of their own pleasure. Still, she lied to herself until she believed that he really did love her in return, that she was more than just a high that he'd quickly come off of. 

But he had never felt so high, and when you reach the top, the only thing left for you to do is fall.

---

'Ugh, what time is it...?' Alexander thought as he sluggishly sat up in his bed, barely even awake. His mind was muddled and he struggled to recollect last night's events -- but they rushed back to him as soon as he glanced at the peacefully sleeping figure by his side, and in an instant, he was filled with regret. Aurora shifted slightly, but didn't awaken, instead turning over to face him. His whole body was tense and his mind was racing with thoughts that all lead to the same conclusion: he'd made a big mistake.

With a shaky sigh and a quiet string of profanities, he sat on the edge of the bed and buried his face in his hands, trying to force himself away from the brink of a meltdown. 'God, what was I thinking last night? I can't believe I did that. I can't believe she did that...'

Finally, Aurora's eyes fluttered open. The rays of sunlight shining through the window were comfortably warm, and she couldn't help smiling when she realized that what happened was reality; not a dream like it had been for so long. She outstretched her hand for her lover but couldn't quite reach him, and instead called out groggily. "Alexander...?"

 His stomach churned with anxiety. 'Crap, she's awake. What the heck do I do now?'

When he didn't respond, she crawled closer to him and nuzzled her face against his shoulder, smiling wider. "Good morning, babe..."

'Babe?' He was even more tense than before.

Her lips quickly moved from his shoulder to his neck, trailing lazy kisses along it which she spoke between. "Is everything okay...?"

His lips curled, exposing his fangs though she couldn't see them. "Aurora... stop it."

She paused, but didn't move away. "D-Did I... do something wrong?"

With a snarl, he roughly shoved her away as he stumbled to his feet and turned to face her. "Yes! You did everything wrong, okay!? Last night was wrong!"

She flinched and slowly raised to her feet, hurt by his sudden outburst. "Oh, um... I'm sorry that I wasn't... satisfactory. I-I can make up for--"

Alexander interrupted harshly. "No, I mean I shouldn't have slept with you and I want you to leave!"

"...B-But I... I thought you... loved me." The disbelief was evident in her voice. Maybe she should have figured he didn't, but she had created that belief and refused to let go of it.

"You can't be serious. How the heck could I love you, Aurora? Did you forget everything I told you? Are you that stupid!?" He laughed dryly although nothing was funny. "You can't just assume I feel the same way as you!"

"S-So that's the kind of guy you are!?" Her expression quickly turned from pain to rage. "You just wanted to have your way with me and toss me out like everybody else does!?"

"Everybody else? What, is this just your everyday life? Finding some desperate guy to take to bed?"

"Y-You're only insulting yourself! And by the way, didn't you say your sister lives here? Isn't she going to hear you yelling at me? Real smart."

Alexander's eyebrows furrowed. "For your information, neither she or her husband should be here right now. We slept late and they had an early appointment to be at. So I can yell at you all I want!"

"Why are you even yelling? What exactly did I do wrong here that you didn't!?"

"You saw an opportunity and you took it, Aurora! You knew I wasn't in the best emotional state to make good judgement, and it didn't stop you! You've just been waiting around for my wife to die so you could get into my pants, haven't you!?"

"No! I'm not like that!" Aurora snapped. "Is that really what you think? I'd never wish that kind of misery on you, no matter what my feelings were! But you're the one who made a move on me, a-and I just... I thought you were different than other men! I-I thought... I could finally feel loved. But obviously, I thought wrong!"

Alexander was shaking, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. He was thinking no more clearly than he was last night, blinded by his anger rather than lust. "Well, I guess I thought wrong about you too, because it turns out you're nothing but a slut!"

The anger was suddenly drained from her as she fought back tears. "...Y-You don't mean that..."

His voice was ice cold as he turned away, a single tear sliding down his cheek. "I do. Put your clothes on and get out of my house."

She inhaled shakily as a sob escaped her lips. "A-Alexander, I'm sorry, I never meant for this..."

"I don't want your apologies, I want you to get out!" His voice quivered, and he too was on the verge of sobs, but he'd never let her see that. "I-I don't want to see you ever again!"

"...Fine," she whispered, and turned to pick up her dress. He desperately tried to harden his heart to the sound of her sniffling as she got dressed, reaching up to wipe his eyes quickly, hoping she wouldn't notice. Only when he heard her leave and shut the door behind her did he finally break, already realizing the horrible reality of what he'd just done, but it was too late to change it.

Aurora leaned against his door for a moment, steadying herself as she wiped her tears, and then left with the same broken heart that nights like these always resulted in.