Nightshade: A SimLit | Chapter 85: Purpose

"Well, Orion, I must say... I'm very pleased with the steady improvements you've displayed to me for the past few weeks. Would you say the new medication is helping you?"

The session was nearing it's end. Every week, like clockwork, Orion came here to see the therapist. The office was in the Realm of Magic's medical center, but it was very different from the rest of the building -- quiet, filled with calming colors and scented candles that always seemed to be lit. Despite the soothing atmosphere, when he'd first started coming here, it was everything but that to him. Venting his innermost feelings to a stranger and appearing so vulnerable to them was the last thing he wanted to do, but there was nothing else he could do unless he wanted to be buried deep in his depression and trauma forever, so he did it. With time, it became easier, and the more he opened up, the more the therapist was able to help him. The downside of it all was knowing that even in the best case scenario, overcoming the largest obstacles in his life and managing to achieve some level of happiness and normalcy again, none of his problems would ever just go away. His whole life had been one trauma after the other as long as he could remember. and maybe he could repress those memories, but the effects were still etched deeply into his mind.

"...I-I mean, I guess the medicine is helping me, but I wouldn't say that I've been making steady improvements," Orion quietly responded. "What are you seeing that I'm not? I-I'm still so anxious, and I keep having nightmares, and flashbacks that send me spiraling into a mental breakdown out of nowhere--"

"Orion," his therapist, Katy, interrupted, "you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and a whole lot of emotional baggage. What you're going through is a normal response to the trauma that you've endured. No amount of therapy or medications can ever cure it. But what I see that you don't is a man with a suicidal history expressing some desire to live. That's progress to me."

"Then why do I not feel like I'm making progress?" He brought a hand to his forehead and held his head lower to disguise his tears. "I just want to be a normal person, with a normal life... and I know that's never going to happen, but I want it more than anything..."

She was silent as he quietly cried.

"I-I don't want to be seen as the helpless victim forever," he continued, quieting his voice to nearly a whisper. "The victim of abuse, the victim of mental illness, the victim of my entire life itself. I just want to be me... but I never will be, will I? In some way, I'm always going to be victimized. B-Because I have scars that are never going to heal, and memories that won't ever be erased... even if I wasn't before, now I really am nothing, just like my parents always said I'd be and just like Tiffany made me feel like I was..."

"You're right," she finally said, "none of that can ever be taken away. But it's a part of you now, and it's shaped you into the wonderful person that you are. The fact that you were once a victim doesn't mean you'll always be one... and even if you can never overcome those victimizing feelings, you certainly aren't nothing. I know that therapists and patients don't usually consider each other friends, or know each other on a deeply personal level, but... from what I have learned and observed about you, you're one of the most kind-hearted and pleasant patients that I work with."

"...really?" His voice was meek, almost hesitant. "You're just saying that..."

"No, I mean it." Her lips curled upwards into a soft smile. "You're worth so much more than you've been reduced to believing. This world could use more people like you. If only you'd use your wings... you could soar so high, to so many places... I have a lot of faith in your future."

Orion finally glanced up at her and smiled. "Thank you... for believing in me. It means a lot, and... I really hope you're right."

"I am right. Someday, you will find the love and happiness that you're yearning for. You have a purpose, Orion. Go find it."

---

"Star!"

Startled, Orion turned to face his boss at the sound of his surname being called. He'd already been particularly anxious and unfocused, even though the day had barely begun, and he wasn't sure that he could handle whatever favor he was inevitably going to be tasked with. "Y-Yes?"

"Suit up and head to the rocket simulator. As of today, you've got a new colleague -- an astronaut in training, and I want you to be their mentor." Perseus grinned at him. "You're the best astronaut on our team at operating the rockets, after all."

Orion's face contorted in confusion. "W-Wait, I didn't know you hired a new astronaut..." Then again, there had been an uncharacteristic amount of gossip floating around the office this morning, but all of it was in hushed whispers and he hadn't paid much attention to what anyone was saying. "Are you really sure you want me to handle this? I-I'm not exactly great with strangers..."

"Oh, you'll do fine," his boss replied nonchalantly. "You're friendly enough and this one's just as quiet as you are, it seems, so... the two of you will get along swimmingly."

It was clear there wasn't any getting out of this one. "W-Well... I'll do my best."

"I wouldn't expect any less from you. Be ready in ten minutes."

---

Orion did as he was instructed, but more than ten minutes had passed without any sign of his boss or the mysterious new coworker. Anxiously, he glanced over at the large rocket placed in the middle of the large room he stood in. The ceilings were barely high enough to accommodate it, and it no longer functioned as anything more than a tool for demonstration. 'What's taking so long? I really just want to get this over with and go back to not needing to have social anxiety...'

His head turned at the sound of footsteps finally approaching.

"This," Perseus began as he lead the other person toward Orion, "is your mentor for the day, Commander Star. He's going to teach you the basics of our rockets."

"A-Actually," Orion objected, "I'm not that highly ranked. I'm just a pilot."

Perseus shrugged. "Well, I'm counting this as an important mission and no one else can be the commander of it but you." 

"...The rocket isn't even going anywhere, how can it be--"

"Nice to meet you," the orange-suited stranger interrupted. "I look forward to working together."

Orion glanced at the other person, studying them silently. Their face was heavily obscured by the space helmet, and it did a good job at muffling their voice, too, which sounded no higher pitched than his, perhaps a little deeper. They were also a bit taller than him, and of a larger build -- he failed to find any indication of what their gender could be, so he decided not to address it. "...nice to meet you too. I'm sure you'll do great."

"You'd better do great." Perseus grinned at them. "You graduated at the top of your class. Don't disappoint me."

They had no response to his words.

"...Well," he continued awkwardly, "I guess I'll let you two get to it. Find me in my office when you're done."

As Perseus made his way to the exit, Orion glanced back over at the rocket, then his colleague. "Are you ready?"

He took their silent nod as a yes, and the two of them began to board.

"...So," Orion began, "Perseus said you graduated at the top of your class? What university did you go to?"

They finally turned to make eye contact, though it was hindered by the helmet. "Foxbury."

"Really? I hear they're the best when it comes to courses related to science and technology."

Their gaze averted. "Yes, well... it certainly wasn't an easy road to get here Not for me, at least. I'm honored to work somewhere as amazing as NASA."

"Yeah, it's pretty great here," he agreed, smiling slightly. "You're gonna be among the elites. That's a big accomplishment."

"...you really think so?"

"Of course."

An awkward silence fell between the two as they approached the control panel. 

"...Okay, sit down and I'll show you all the controls. It's gonna take a while, so I hope you find the chairs comfortable." He took a seat in front of the large device, and the other followed suit.

"Does anyone else find the chairs comfortable?"

"...No."

"Great, I'm not the only one, then."

Orion couldn't help but chuckle lightly. "You get used to it eventually."

"Of course." They chuckled too before pausing. "...Hey, can I ask you a strange question?"

Orion hesitated. "...I-I guess that depends on what you mean by strange."

"Did you ever have to sign any kind of... shady non-disclosure agreement in order to work here?"

He rubbed the back of his helmet nervously. "Are you talking about the government one?"

They nodded. "The one that says you're not allowed to discuss any of your findings or discoveries with the government, including information related to aliens."

"I didn't personally have to, no. But I'm aware of it." Orion was careful with his words. "...why do you ask?"

"I mean, I know aliens apparently exist and the government is out to get them, but... I'd never personally seen one until I met the boss, and boy, was that a surprise. It made me curious. Is that a thing that happens often here? Encountering aliens? I'm honestly fascinated with the idea. It would be pretty cool to go to their planet."

He felt a sense of relief that they wouldn't be a threat once they discovered his identity. "...no, it's not. I've never met an alien here aside from our boss." It was the honest truth: in all his years of working here, he still hadn't encountered another of his kind. "You're right, though. It would be cool to. It's just... a precautionary contract that he made in order to feel comfortable with humans working here. For obvious reasons."

"Right, of course," they replied. "That's understandable."

"But hey, the sooner you learn how to operate a rocket, the sooner you'll be able to go into space. You never know, you might find their planet yourself, right?" Orion smiled cheerfully.

"Right. I guess we should get started then. Because... I have absolutely no idea what any of these buttons do. They look different from the ones we learned about in class."

His smile widened. "Don't worry, you'll catch on fast. So, let's start with the basics..."

---

As expected, their training session took quite a while, but Orion was thoroughly impressed by the time it was over. They now stood outside of the rocket ship, face to face -- or rather, helmet to helmet, preparing to go report their progress to Perseus, as requested.

"You really did great today. I can already tell you'll make an amazing astronaut." Orion smiled warmly at the person standing across from him. 

"Thank you... you're a patient teacher. Working with you is a breez," they responded, then paused momentarily. "By the way, why exactly did we have to wear the helmets? We don't actually need them."

"Good question. The boss always says something about new astronauts needing to "get used to" wearing them, and I guess I just put mine on so I look equally as ridiculous."

"Well... thanks for your consideration," they laughed. "I guess I can take this stupid thing off now, though. You should take yours off, too."

"Yeah," Orion nodded, though he seemed nervously. How would they actually react to realizing he was an alien? "I've been wondering what you look like underneath it."

"Well, you're about to find out."

In a single, swift motion, she pulled the helmet off, causing her now slightly unruly hair to gracefully fall down to her shoulders. There was a slight sparkle in her eyes as she smiled, almost nervously, at him. "...much better. I realize we never even introduced ourselves. My name's Skylar."

His first reaction was stunned silence, but finally, he reached for his helmet and removed it.

"Y-You're a woman?" Orion blurted, but just blushed when he realized how awkward he was acting. "I-I mean... um, first of all, my name's Orion. S-Second of all, we've... never had a woman at NASA, so I wasn't expecting..."

"You're surprised about me being a woman, but you didn't even mention that you were an alien!" Skylar laughed, not realizing the slight blush that crept across her face at the sight of him. He truly did look otherworldly, in a breathtaking kind of way. "I-I mean, maybe I should have noticed, but I thought your helmet just had some weird tint color, and... uh... anyway, it's nice to formally meet you, Orion. Unless... you're implying you have a problem with me being a woman?"

He interrupted, stumbling over his own words. "N-No, I think it's great, really! I'm glad we're making progress to be more inclusive!"

"I'm glad you don't have a problem with it. Honestly, I was kind of worried that people would see me... differently." Skylar laughed nervously.

He smiled. "The only different way that I see you, honestly, is that you're probably the most capable newbie I've worked with."

"Well... I'm really flattered, but I also have to assume this is a deliberate attempt at flattery, so I'll keep my reservations," she teased. "...By the way, how did you not manage to notice I wasn't a guy? There are definitely a few obvious details--"

Orion stammered out nonsense in an attempt to interrupt her. "I-I, um... I just... I wasn't..." His face flushed and he looked away, clearly embarrassed. "...I wasn't paying attention. You didn't necessarily sound like a woman for certain. A-And you're taller than me, so I figured you might just be another guy, as usual...?"

Skylar's voice softened a little. "H-Hey, no need to get embarrassed, I'm only teasing you. I can see why you'd assume that." She paused. 

He finally met her gaze, smiling shyly. "S-Sorry, I just... get a little nervous around strangers."

"It's okay. I can tell you're a little shy." She returned the smile. "But... you know, you seem like a really nice person. I look forward to getting to know you more personally, Commander Star."

He didn't even notice that his heart fluttered -- just slightly -- at the sound of that.