Nightshade: A SimLit | Chapter 102: Break Free

Alexander's fingers trembled as they hovered over the illuminated phone screen in his hands. Months had passed since he last spoke to the woman he was currently attempting to contact, and doing so was proving to be difficult. At some point, she had blocked his number -- hardly a deterrent for him, though. With hesitance, he moved his index finger to the 'send' button on his text. The thought of what he was about to do made his stomach churn and he couldn't help wondering if he'd regret this more than he'd regret just leaving things the way they were. 

Either way, he knew he had to do this. 

Unknown Number: alyssa, we need to talk

Unknown Number: i know you don't want to but it's important. please.

The moment she read the messages, she already knew who they were from. Her blood began to boil at the realization that he had the audacity to contact her again. Truthfully, she hadn't expected it. When he ran from his responsibilities like the coward he clearly was, she thought it was the last she'd ever hear from him. A thousand angry words raced through her head and she struggled to piece them together in a coherent enough response.

Alyssa: i blocked you for a reason, alexander. i don't want to talk. not now, not ever. we have nothing to discuss. 

She smashed the send button with unusual aggression.

Unknown Number: wait, please listen, i'm begging you

Unknown Number: over these past several months i've been doing a lot of thinking about things. i realized i was wrong... i shouldn't have abandoned my own daughter, even if she wasn't something i wanted or was ready for. i know i hurt you, and i hurt her, and i can't take that back, but... i really want to meet her. i'm ready for this now. please let me have a chance to be in her life

Alyssa's hands trembled and her grip constricted tighter on her phone. She couldn't believe what she was reading. After all that he'd done, did he really think he could come crawling back? Did he think his actions had no consequences? 

Alyssa: you are COMPLETELY unbelievable. you gave me absolute hell, took me to court to avoid paying child support despite the fact you have more money than you need, refused to even so much as meet your own daughter before deciding you didn't give a damn about her, and you want me to pretend like none of this happened? to let you into her life now that you're "ready?" do you think i was ready to be a single mom with no help!? 

Alyssa: the answer is no. you have no custody or visitation rights because YOU didn't want them and that's how it's going to stay. why the hell would i let my daughter be around a man like you? you're a pathetic excuse for a father. all you do is go clubbing and get drunk and sleep with however many women you want to without thinking of the consequences. you're an alcoholic. you're an absolute wreck. you know what? keeping yourself out of her life was doing her a favor. don't ever contact me again.

His fingers hovered over the screen, waiting for his brain to churn out a response, but for once, he was wordless. Was she right? Was his own daughter better off without ever knowing him? The words cut deep, not because of their cruelty, but because of their truthfulness. He was a wreck. Mentally, emotionally, physically. How could he expect to be a good father when he lived the life that he did, partying and sleeping around to escape his own misery, thinking he could drink his problems away when in reality every sip only made them deeper?  

For the first time, he realized the gravity of his situation. All of the times someone close to him begged him to try to change, he'd refused, never even able to hear how loudly he'd been crying for help all along. He could hear it now, resonating deep within his soul. His inner self was screaming, dying to claw his way back to the surface, having been suffocated for so long by the demons that overtook him -- and the man that had no idea how much he had truly wounded not only the people he loved, but himself, in his downward spiral into darkness. The part of him that died years ago jolted back to life, reborn with a deep, fighting breath. The tears began to fall and his emptiness was replaced with raw emotion. Perhaps this pain was deeper than any other that he'd felt, but for once, it didn't drive him deeper into the shadows, it made him struggle against his chains. He had to break free. 

He was ready to break free. 

 

---

"It's so great to finally meet you, Skylar... Orion talks about you all the time. He gets this little puppy-dog-eyed look and starts being painfully mushy, so I think it's safe to say you make him genuinely happy... it's such a good sign to see from him."

Orion's face flushed at the slightly teasing tone of his therapist's voice. When she recently told him that Skylar attending a few therapy sessions with him would be beneficial, he didn't expect her to actually mean it would be embarrassing. Nervously, he fidgeted with his hands which were resting in his lap. As much as he hated to admit it, their meeting worried him. What if she didn't like Skylar? What if she thought this relationship was bad for him, or worse, didn't think he was ready for a relationship at all, or that it would have a negative impact on his progress? The troubling thoughts had refused to leave him alone all week.

"I'm really happy to hear that." Skylar pulled Orion closer to her, forcing a playful smile despite her own nervousness. "I know his puppy eyes all too well by now, trust me. I bet he's your most adorable patient, isn't he?"

"Oh, yes, definitely. I'd squish his cheeks if it wasn't unprofessional."

"C-Cut it out," Orion whined, "this is a therapy session, not a cuteness evaluation."

The two women only laughed in response. "I suppose he has a point," Katy began, "so let's get down to business. I hope neither of you take this the wrong way, but... Skylar... you're a regular human, are you not?" 

"Yeah... I am, and I understand that humans probably aren't your favorite, and we aren't really supposed to be in the Realm of Magic and can't get in under normal circumstances, but--"

"Don't worry about that," she interrupted with a smile. "They allow entry to humans accompanied by a supernatural for a reason. I know you aren't all bad. Just don't tell anyone any information about this place, okay?"

Skylar visibly relaxed. "I promise I won't. You can trust me." 

"Well, on the topic of trust..." Katy's expression turned concerned. "Orion... how are things going in this relationship? I know your progress may be really slow, and you'll have no shortage of struggles along the way. Is she understanding of you? Do you trust her?"

"W-Well..." Orion paused, trying to figure out how to piece his feelings into words, "I think Skylar is really understanding and patient, and I trust her more than anyone else..."

"But?" Katy replied expectantly. 

"But," he sighed, "I think I'm not making as much progress as anyone probably thinks I am. I feel like I'm nothing but a burden to her sometimes. No matter how hard I try, I can't forget my past, or force my trauma to go away. Sometimes, I have flashbacks that feel so real I can't even tell that they aren't... and then whatever pieces of myself I was able to put back together just fall apart all over again, leaving her to have to deal with the mess it leaves."

Skylar frowned. "Orion..."

"You know, acceptance is the first step to letting go." Katy's expression softened. "You can't try to forget your past trauma. Scars have to heal and fade on their own, and all you can do until they do is accept them as a part of yourself. If you do that, someday, they won't bother you so much anymore."

He gazed up at her thoughtfully. "But... how do I accept myself as I am when I'm completely broken?"

"If you can't find self acceptance alone, I'm sure Skylar can help you with that." She smiled and looked in her direction. "Is what he thinks true? Do you see him as a burden, or broken? Do his struggles bother you?"

Skylar shook her head. "Orion is anything but a burden to me. Whatever he's going through, and whatever he needs from me to get through it... I'll never criticize him for that. It hurts me a lot to know that he doesn't love himself when there are people that love him so much... he isn't broken in my eyes. He's the strongest, kindest person I know. I wouldn't change a single thing about him."

Orion glanced at her, seemingly surprised by her feelings. "But... Skylar, I--"

"Despite your scars, it's clear that you're so loved, Orion," Katy interrupted. "Be patient with yourself. Allow Skylar to be patient with you, and don't be afraid of leaning on her for support when you need it. I think that your relationship is like a bud that has yet to blossom into a flower... if you continue to nourish it and grow together, not only in your relationship, but as individuals, it will bloom into something unique and beautiful."

A small smile appeared on his lips. Perhaps she was right: his life with Skylar could be turning into something beautiful. To him, it already was.